Tuesday, February 19, 2013

20130219 Things I have learned from "School of Rock"

Things I have learned from "School of Rock"

  • Substitute teachers are real teachers.
  • Always check the ID of substitute teachers.
  • If the police suspect you of impersonating a teacher and endangering children, all you have to do is run home and go to bed and they will not catch you.
  • You need a ticket to get into a concert even if your kids are performing.
  • It may be handy to know how to spell your friend's name.
  • The children have had their lunch.
  • Those that can't do, teach. And those that can't teach, teach gym.
  • I believe the children are our future.
  • Only try a stage dive when there are more that 5 people in the crowd.
  • Kids think that green hair is rock 'n roll.
  • Drum solos are gut bustin'
  • Guitar solos are face meltin"
  • In a US presidential election, people would vote for a primary school kid.
  • Pink Floyd is homework.
  • Making guitar sounds with your mouth is a good way to tell others what the music should sound like.
  • If you can play a cello, you can play a bass.
  • The "masters of the universe" stance can make you play better, a lot better.
  • You are not hard core unless you live hardcore.
  • You can sound-proof a room by stuffing towels under the windows.
  • A recording on an Apple Mac is a good substitute for a substitute teacher.
  • You're the man.
  • When faced with an angry guitarist, the whole situation can be changed by saying "call security".
  • I come from the land of ice and snow.
  • Eyebrows can move independently of each other.
  • If you tell someone to stand up for themselves, they might standup to you.
  • Be prepared on parent-teacher night.
  • If a school sends you a cheque, don't ask questions, its just your flatmate taking over your life.
  • No one gets in without a ticket.
  • The original member of a band is not the band.
  • Every Fender Stratocaster has been played by Hendrix.
  • A school uniform for a 20 stone man can easily fit into a lunch-size paper bag.
  • Credits go up the screen.
  • Alcoholics have a disease.
  • Kids like to burn things.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

20130209 Chinese New Year BBQ.

20130209 Chinese New Year BBQ.

At a Chinese New Year barbecue a few friends were talking about their career plans. They are all teachers at a ‘prestigious international school’ and have impressive credentials in regards to the places they have worked and their long and continuing education. The fact that this is known is part of the social customs of Americans. While most other civilised societies consider the amount of money earned in a year to be a matter only discussed with an accountant, a solicitor while making a will and maybe your closest friend, the Americans seem to ask this question as way of quickly establishing a pecking order among colleagues.

One particularly bright chap regaled the assembled merry-makers with tales of working for and with such great minds as Jacob Goldman and for companies that have brought amazing and innovative products and inventions such as ‘the wheel’, double-sided sticky tape and the photocopy machine. In an effort to counter his like-minded science teacher and best friend, another teacher told his story of his involvement with the creation of the Internet while studying at Berkley and the life-saving research into the American obsession with ridding the world of the scourge of the remote probability of eating an egg contaminated with salmonella.

Sitting around a fire, just like our early ancestors, holding a piece of dead animal on a stick in the glowing embers it became apparent that as a civilisation, in terms of social customs, we have not progressed that far.

After all was said about their education, their research into lasers, radiation and optical physics, the brightest teacher of them all, the one who had worked for xerox and who currently held 4 masters degrees in physics and education, considered his primitive meal slowly roasting on the end of a stick by the heat of a open fire and asked a simple question: “How can you tell when chicken is cooked?”

The term “prestigious international school” appeared on the Wikipedia entry with the conspicuous footnote of “citation needed” and had since been changed.